The moment I landed in Cairo, I knew I had landed somewhere very special. The dusty streets lined with various shades of browns and grays had managed to hypnotize me into a state of awe and out of place wonder. Was that really a camel on the side of the road? Are those sheep going to be okay walking into traffic like that? Speaking of traffic, where are the traffic lights and stop signs? Ohhh they don’t exist. Cool. Cool, cool.

Everything was different, and therefore I didn’t know anything and I love that feeling of displacement. I crave being thrown into strange places and figuring out my bearings; an Alice in Wonderland kind of joy. The compulsion to seek out different experiences or maybe to just feel like the new kid in town.

Here in overwhelmingly Muslim, conservative Egypt, I was completely at the mercy of our tour guides for advice and the establishment of societal norms. The strangeness was invigorating.

Coco and I had a busy seven day itinerary following the cities of Cairo, Luxor, and Aswan touring temples and tombs. We didn’t know what to expect, as Egypt is a relatively untraveled destination these days with the remnant memories of the 2011 Revolution still scaring people. For the record, I never felt unsafe at all.

The first thing we established a societal norm that traffic in Cairo is something of an artistic creation. Lanes don’t exist; cars weave in and out of each other in terrible choreography and somehow pedestrians manage to cross the street in the middle of the chaos. After an hour or so of driving in gridlocked and manic traffic, we finally felt the relief of arriving at our hotel, our enthusiastic travel host showing us to our balconied room.

As I pulled back the curtains, a childlike thrill confronted me with a striking view of the Giza Pyramids.

Some travelers have reported a sense of disappointment upon the first glimpse of said pyramids, insisting that their close proximity to Cairo diminishes the exotic allure they had imagined would naturally invigorate them with the sense of otherworldliness. Perhaps they had imagined arriving to Cairo, don a scarf around their head as they sit atop a camel saddle and ride into the desert for five hours before seeing the tops of the pyramids in the horizon of a dusty sky, Arabian music floating in the background as they step upon the pyramid’s entrance.

The reality is much more modern. A car will take you straight to the sites, and it’s recommended to take Uber if you don’t have a tour group. It’s about a 25 minute drive. There’s a Pizza Hut very close by.

But for me personally, however, the kind of rush I got from opening up the curtains and seeing the pyramids from our hotel window greatly exceeded my expectations. There they were, right there! In all their pointy mysterious ancient greatness that gave them their namesake. We drank tea, chatted with our fabulous guide about our week’s tentative itinerary, and marveled at how lucky we were to be in Egypt.

day one. Giza. Pyramids. Camels. desert princesses.

Our journey begins against a clear sky of desert sunny bliss, the Saqqara pyramid to be our first introduction into the ancient lives of Egyptians. This is the first pyramid in Egypt, the step pyramid, and we were encouraged to show our appreciation for it by literally jumping for joy!

One of the oldest stone structures in human history, this tomb was built for King Zoser, and has remained intact for over 4,000 years - truly mind boggling considering that our society can demolish buildings that have been around for merely 50 years. Egyptian history is filled with stories of kings and pharaohs with extravagant cemeteries. We were able to descend into the pyramid itself and gaze upon the walls designed with hieroglyphics from floor to ceiling.

What did it felt like to see an underground tomb with a mysterious language that we have only recently been able to decipher? Inspirational as hell. I can remember the discovery of the Rosetta Stone in Elementary school, learning about the language that nobody could understand, and then slowly learning through the news about the translation that would take place over the years and illuminate so much of their daily lives and values.

Moving along to the next incredible thing (a theme of the entire week), the great pyramids greeted us next. The 2 million limestone bricked wonder stood magnificently and allowed others to appreciate its beauty like the Egyptian diva it is. The entire structure was built in 20 years, and according to our guide it wasn't by slaves but by ordinary laborers. However they were built (not by aliens), the result is one of the seven wonders of the world, and our guide made it a point to take us to all the perfect photo ops.

They really are stunning to see in person, and look even better when you pretend to hold them in your palm or pick them up by the point, or when you jump over them in a silly formation that seems ridiculous in the moment but then later you check out your bomb ass photos and say “ah, so being a tourist in a photo isn’t such a bad idea after all.”

Up close and personal with these statuesque creations, I wondered what it would be like to run up the sides in a sort of wonders of the world race to the top. Would it stay intact, or would I be the destroyer of the pyramids with my Nikes and my dreams?

I opted to fulfill my dreams of camel friendship instead, which was a lot easier and less illegal.

The camels were cute and looked like grandma horses, surprisingly easy to ride. I thought it would be a bit wonky with the saddle in between the two humps but the ride was smooth and sturdy. I relaxed and just enjoyed the view from on high the camels’ back, gazing out into the sandy distance as I pretended to be an Egyptian princess who was taking a stroll into town to be more relatable to the common folk.

Some questions that I can now answer about camel riding, since I am officially a veteran now.

Question One : Do camels really spit on you ?

Answer One : I don’t know about in the wild but these definitely do not. Maybe it’s because they are so trained to deal with tourists, and were very tame and very gentle with us. I pet them like a puppy dog and thought they were so cute.

Question Two: Is it ethically sound to ride a camel in Egypt?

Answer Two: This is a little trickier; camels have been domesticated for a few thousand years, which basically means that they aren’t being beaten in order to behave. I personally think that it’s perfectly fine to ride the camels, but it’s according to your own preference whether or not you want to. From what I’ve read they are treated very nicely and have a good relationship with their handlers, who are local Egyptians.

Question Three: How fast do they go? Are they like horses?

Answer Three: Gosh they are such strange animals aren’t they? They don’t really run as fast as horses and they walk pretty slow for tourist rides but I definitely saw them take a local on a little jog a few times, and saw them trotting along the roads when we were out in the city.

Question Four: Will I love the camels?

Question Five: Obviously you will, and I recommend you take the 30-45 minute ride. We took the shorter 15 minute one because we were doing a million things that day, but it seemed way too short. You should probably name your camel something extravagant like Esmaralda the Great or Leonardus the Second. Or Tom.

Luxor- West Bank of the nile

Luxor! My favorite city in Egypt that we visited. It is lush, beautiful, phenomenally picturesque compared to the dusty, dirty streets of Cairo. While the capital has its own chaotic appeal that I appreciated, I breathed a sigh of relief when we landed in Luxor. Yes my readers, we opted for the flight option rather than the overnight trains. When you are in your 30’s you might have less patience for “roughing it” as a hobby when traveling. There are many options for trains and buses, however. We chose Nile Air.

At any rate, the temples here were unmatched to anything I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I am not being hyperbolic. Luxor is split up into two sections, the west and east sides of the Nile river. The first day in Luxor we spent wandering around the West Bank, which consists of the Hatshepsut temple and the Valley of the Kings, Valley of the Queens, and the Colossi of Memnon. We didn’t get to see the Valley of the Queens, but what we saw was epically spectacular. Pharaoh approved thrills.

Hatshepsut temple. a queen to slay.

Oh I didn’t know much about this woman but I’m so happy that I got to see where she resided and was regarded as a Pharaoh even though that was not typical for women during that era. (and this era, for that matter). This queen demanded that she rule on her own, and did not accept the invitation to be a co-ruler. Her image on walls and tombs is that of a man, depicted with a beard and larger muscles, and she ruled as one until her death in her 40’s or 50’s. If she had an Instagram account the hashtags #bossbitch and #womenrule would be used liberally.

Her temple is so beautiful. It’s built into this limestone plateau mountain thing and is impressive even from afar.

The detail involved in these carvings was so perfect and I closed my eyes to imagine what the finished product would have looked like when she was alive and reigning. The etches of hieroglyphics are still mostly there, but a lot have eroded over the years. Hatshepsut created this temple after seeing the temple of Mentuhotep II, and created one that looked exactly like it, only much bigger and grander. This woman knew how to make things work for her.

“Every girl loves Hatshepsut,” said our tour guide, Captain Obvious. Otherwise known as Mohammad, he took pains to make sure we had enough information about Hatshepsut to last a lifetime. He related the story of her stepson, Thutmose III, who wanted to rule alongside with her but she refused, preferring solo rule. After her death, he made sure to destroy her likeness on the walls, and in modern times would have probably blocked her social media accounts and photoshopped her in compromising positions. He literally cut her image out of the walls, which back in the olden times days was essentially the same as declaring they did not exist at all, negating any chance they might have in the afterlife. What’s worse, he went the extra distance and replaced her images with his own.

I’ve become an expert in hieroglyphics now, and can say with confidence that the above message says “Life has no meaning without gelato” while the below message is telling a story about a mediocre boy who wasn’t very talented and still got chosen for the part.

Her legacy was rediscovered in the 1800’s, and is now regarded as one of the greatest monarchs in ancient history.

the valley of the kings

If you’ve ever had an urge to descend into an ancient tomb which is a series of underground tunnels carved inside of a mountainside, then I’ve got good news for you. The Valley of the Kings is the home to 68 tombs of buried kings and Pharaohs, including Hatshepsut herself. It is a MUST in Luxor, and you can’t come here without going to this underground haunted maze of spooky mummies.

Three open tombs are allowed using the general admission entrance ticket, and they are all amazing. The colors are striking, the dyes still holding for thousands of years against the stone walls.

King Tutkahamen is also here, but his tomb is completely empty because all of the treasures and goodies are spread across the world in various museums, his golden mask in the Egyptian Museum in Cairo. We declined the visit because there were so many other tombs to see.

Taking photos is permitted with a photo pass, 300 Egyptian pounds or about $17 US. Purchase it at the entrance and then you are able to go to town with flashless photo shoots as long as you’re somehow able to wait patiently for all the other people to stop walking in front of you and behind you and around you… gah tourists are so irritating aren’t they?

A note about dressing as a Western tourist in Egypt, and particularly of the female variety : honestly they don’t have a dress code, and our tour guide was very relaxed about what he told us we should and should not wear. However, Coco especially wanted to make sure we didn’t offend anyone with our scandalous, harlot ways of bare shoulders and knees, and we covered up quite well even during the tourist visits. I’ve seen photos of girls wearing short rompers and nothing else, but I ended up in my long dresses and felt much better doing so, knowing that I was at least trying to follow the rules.

We still had people staring at us but I think it was more out of curiosity of foreigners than admonishment of our clothing choices. It’s always a good idea to follow specific customs that you know are taken seriously; I couldn’t tell if we were exempt from these dress codes just because we are tourists or if we were being regarded as disrespectful in a subtle, behind the scenes sort of manner. Either way, I think a balance is necessary- you don’t need to go overboard with respect but wearing a mini skirt wouldn’t be the greatest plan.

this place is definitely haunted. I don’t know what kind of curse I have but I hope it doesn’t involve hair loss.

The significance of the sky in Egyptian culture was so prominent in the tombs. Everywhere the ceiling was painted blue with stars to signify Nut, the goddess of the sky and the heavens.

After exploring the tombs and searching for bottled water to quench our thirsty throats, Coco and I felt like there wasn’t anything more that could astonish us. Oh we were wrong…

Karnak

Holy Shit. This place. Is. Enormous. And. Insanely. Cool.

It is the largest religious temple EVER IN THE WORLD.

Let that resonate for a second. The oldest pyramids. The biggest temple. Egypt is so amazing. About 30 Pharaohs contributed to its construction, and it’s a huge complex of different sections and statues, originally built to worship the god Amun, and the collaboration ranged from Egyptian kings to the Greek ruler Alexander the Great. Work ended once Egypt was conquered by the Romans. Breathtaking pillars and colors and statues surround you as you walk in between historical eras, and we spent several hours roaming here.

Karnak was built over several centuries, and it’s still intact and standing. The day was clear and perfect for photos. Mohammad was still a wealth of information about the stories and history of the temple, most of which I’ve forgotten but in the moment it helped us to appreciate how much work went into the making of the complex, and how important it was to their daily lives. At first I didn’t know if Mohammad would warm up to us as Mido did, but at the end of the day he was halfway joking around with us, and we would talk about him with such affection for the rest of the trip. (as well as his driver, another Mohammad, who was in his early 20’s and very very cute).

Aswan : Philae temple

The final temple and perfect end to our tour of the great Egyptian monuments was in Philae, the island right outside of Aswan. Taking a three hour train to Aswan, we had a wonderful introduction to the small town by meeting our next guide, whose English name was Will. He was so sweet and I immediately could tell that Aswan was a laid back, island city that would embrace us.

To prove my point, we stopped by a monument called the Friendship Tower near the Aswan dam. Will helped us concoct a friendship pose in which we looked like we were surrounded by a circle or crown.

The Aswan dam was on route to Philae, and Will told us a brief history of how and why it was built. The Nile’s flooding was managed by the dam near Cairo in the early 20th century, but still could not control the wrath of the Nile river. After the new dam showed promise by funding from the US and Great Britain, they learned that Egypt was in cahoots with the USSR during the 1950’s, and backed out. USSR helped fund the wall, which eventually was completed in 1970 and helped end the flooding, helping save 100,000’s of acres of land for cultivating crops.

Pretty soon, we were on a water taxi taking in the scene of the lush and halfway tropical island scenery. Aswan is the southernmost city in Egypt, and Will told us that we were a stone’s throw away from Sudan.

I could live here.

Philae was the perfect ending to our mini Egyptian history course of the week, and Will’s personable and sweet nature was unforgettable. We were spoiled here with our guides, who made sure to take care of us and make sure we had ample time for all the sights. The main goddess worshipped here was Isis, and is made of several courtyards and inner temples.

What a lovely island. It was like a fairy tale of sunshine and Egyptian castles. We left feeling refreshed and inspired to learn more about our favorite Pharaoh Hatshepsut and our favorite goddesses Isis and Nut. A flight back to Cairo that night helped put us back into gear to visit the Egyptian museum and tour the city to say goodbye.

Some advice

Don’t forget to bring a sweater and a jacket. It gets positively nippy in Cairo at night and sometimes during the early part of the day. It was very windy in Giza during the pyramids. The bathrooms probably don’t have toilet paper! You have been warned.

A good itinerary is Cairo - Luxor - Aswan - Cairo.

What I wish we had been able to see : Abu Simbel.

Definitely purchase the photo permission ticket at the Valley of the Kings!

Get a tour guide. Can’t emphasize this enough. Don’t go alone and just figure it out, because the tour guides know so much about Egyptian history; worth the extra dollars to have context to rest your impressions on! And it’s a great way to have an instagram boyfriend that you don’t feel guilty about making him take photos of you.

Have fun in Egypt and happy flying!

xoxoxox

Walk like an Egyptian : Part I: Temples and Ghosty Tombs